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'No Kiddin'?!? what happened next

Submitted by: Haris
 

 


 

The Confessional Box

A men goes into the confessional box. He notices on one wall a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars.
Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession,
but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."
The priest replies
"Get out. You're on my side."

Submitted by: Tara

 


 

Little Johnny at confessional booth

Submitted by: Suzan

 


 

 I'm going to be a minister when I grow up

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up."
That's okay with us," the mother said, "but what made you decide to be a minister?"

"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to sit confessional Box and listen juicy Stories.

Submitted by: Rama

 


 

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. ( funny Confession quotes) 

Submitted by: Mathew

 


 

What sins?


An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of seventy years, many children, grandchildren, & great grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody!'

Submitted by: Bob

 


 

 

Drive-in confession


 

Submitted by: bill

 


 

I'm afraid you've gone too far

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a
little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock'n'roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony."

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open
to the new ideas of youth."

"All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest, "but I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."

"But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"

"Yes," replied the elderly priest, "and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof.
 

Submitted by: Simian

 


 

 

It has been about 25yrs since my last confession

Submitted by: Molly

 


 

 

 

Will this cleanse me of my sins

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven. "The young woman said, "Last night my
boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times.
"The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?

"The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

 

Submitted by: Eric

 


 

The first  confession


A parish priest, Father O'Brien, was being honored at a dinner on the 25th anniversary of his arrival in that parish.
 
A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic.

Sooo.....Father O'Briend decides to say his own few words while they await the politician's arrival......
 
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. What is confessed in there to me, is never repeated on the outside.
 
However, I got my first impressions of this parish from the first confession I ever heard here.
Realize, please, that I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here 25 years ago, I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
 
The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people at this congregation were not all like
that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived, apologized for his tardiness and then started in on his speech.
 
"I want to thank you all for letting me say a few words this evening in honor of Father O'Brien. 25 Years is a long time. In fact, when he arrived here, I had the honor of being the first  confession he heard at this
congregation."

Now that is bad timing.
 

Submitted by: Roses

 


 

Confessions

Submitted by: Nina

 

 

 


What'd you get?


Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father.. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads

Submitted by: Janna

 


 

 

Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession. (quotes)

Submitted by: Eric

 

 

 


 

 

That isn't a sin

A girl kneels in the confessional and says, "Bless me father, for I have sinned."
"What is it my child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice today I have gazed at myself in the
mirror and said how beautiful I look.
The priest turns, takes a look at the girl, and says, "I have good news for you.
That isn't a sin it's merely a mistake."

 

Submitted by: Sara

 


 

I do have one more question


An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional,
the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"
 

Submitted by: Kim

 


 

Bless me iPhone for I have sinned

Submitted by: Tara

 

 

 


 

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.


A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Unbeknown to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.

The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

Man: "How much?"

Boy: "$750."

Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and play catch."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says, "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is much more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church; the father alerts the priest, makes the boy sit in the confessional and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."
 

Submitted by: Dave

 


Some Funny Confessions



















 

Submitted by: Fred

 

 

 


 

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