Funny revenge

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. (quotes)

Submitted by: Anna

Does this mean

Standing in line at the clothing store's counter,
I watched as the woman ahead of me handed the clerk her credit card.
The customer waited for a long time while the saleswoman went to verify the account.
When she finally returned, the clerk said,
"I'm sorry, but this card is in your husband's name,
and we can't accept it because the records show he is deceased."
With that, the woman turned to her spouse,
who was standing next to her and asked,
"Does this mean I don't have to fix lunch for you today?"

Submitted by: Fred

Remember all those times i carried your bags at the Mall?

Submitted by: Kate

Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "How do you know that "
The office say " I have a complain."

Complain! My foot now the ranches really pissed off and have an idea.
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly
displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life - chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher
throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...

"Your badge! Show him your BADGE!"

Submitted by: Billy

In revenge and in love woman is more barbarous than man ( quotes)

Submitted by: Peter

Should have

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course..
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says,
"Don't you see the sign?
It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it.
That is my ball there..
May I have it, please?"
The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says,
"I understand."
He then walks back to the golf cart,
gets another golf ball,
then walks back and throws it into the yard.
The man says, "What is that for?"
The golfer replies,
"I consider myself a gentleman,
and I believe every prick should have two balls."

Submitted by: Nathan

Donkey Revenge




Now Donkey Revenge


Submitted by: Thomas

Legally

Cash, check or charge, I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote", I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

Submitted by: Linda

Mad with your wife

Submitted by: Tom

How often does a guy have the chance

A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her
grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other ?looks.? Soon the train passes into a tunnel and
it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without
saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself: ?It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him.?

The boss is sitting there thinking: ?I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!?

The young woman was sitting and thinking: ?I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!?

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: ?Life at work is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap
his boss all at the same time!

Submitted by: Bill

Revenge is...

Submitted by: Linda

Get well soon

A traffic cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the cop kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.

Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence:

'Get well soon . From the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'

Submitted by: Tom

Boyfriend Revenge 

Submitted by: Sara

Does he always talk to you this way?

A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over.
The cop says to the man, "Do you know that you were speeding?"
The man replies, "No sir, I didn't know I was speeding."
The mans wife then yells, "Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you to slow down for miles."
"SHUT UP!" the man says to his wife, "Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite."
Then the cop says, "well, since I've got you pulled over did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?"
"No Sir" the man replies, "I did not know that" "WHATEVER!"
His wife yells, "I've been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!" "Shut up" the man yells to his wife again!
"Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!"
Curios, the cop walks over to the woman's side of the car and asks her, "Does he always talk to you this way?"
 "No" she replies, " Only when he's drinking!"

Submitted by: Harass

My wife Revenge

Submitted by: Tom

Fashion sense

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he's curious about the sudden change in fashion sense.
The man walks up to his co-worker and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
"Well, I'm curious," begged the man, "how long have you been wearing an earring?"
"Era, ever since my wife found it in our bed

Submitted by: Willy

Ex girlfriend Revenge

Submitted by: Bob

Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?

 A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic.

The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"

The lady say's "To kill my husband."

"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.

The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position, the man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife, and shows it to the druggist.

He looks at the photo and says "Oh, I didn't know you had a prescription!"

Submitted by: Vicky

You will be served what you deserved

Submitted by: Fred

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