How your Valentine's Day will end?

Submitted by: Kate

Funny Valentine's Day (story)

I was walking with my boyfriend late one evening when I spotted this small homey looking place. It seemed romantic enough so we headed on in to find the place cramped with a whole bunch of people.

Next thing I knew we were being hugged and wished a happy Valentines day by random strangers. My boyfriend (not much for being touched nor seeing me hugged by other men) started getting red in the face (something he does when he's upset) and turned around to head in my direction, only to lock lips with an equally surprised man.

He spent the rest of our evening in the bathroom at my house, washing his mouth out, much to my amusement.

Submitted by: Mira

Do you Like me?

Submitted by: Peter

1,000 Valentine cards (joke)

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending
out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies

Submitted by: Billy

What is Love?

Submitted by: Michel

Funny Valentine's Day (story)

Every Valentine's Day our campus newspaper has a section for student messages. Last year my roommate surprised his girlfriend with roses and dinner at a fancy restaurant.

When they returned from their date, she leafed through the paper to see if he had written a note to her. Near the bottom of one page she found: "Bonnie What are you looking here
for? Aren't dinner and flowers enough? Love, Scott."

Submitted by: Richard

Some Important thing you Should know about Valentines Day

Submitted by: Tim

White gloves (joke)

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend on Valentines day. As they had only just started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal.

Accompanied by the girlfriend's younger sister, he went to Harrods and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties.

The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night. All my love

Submitted by: Lily

Romantic Love Letter from Engineer.

Submitted by: Scot

Funny Valentine's Day (story)

My boyfriend and I met online and we'd been dating for over a year.
I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, "I just used a regular 56K modem."

Submitted by: Anne

Men of your Dream.

Submitted by: Betty

Funny Valentine's Day (story)

I just got out of class and can honestly say I feel so bad for this dude. We were in a LONG, BORING lecture in Biotechnology and half way through, the teacher sees some people  come in and calls for a break because they have an announcement.
Well about 10-15 guys come out of nowhere all dressed up really nicely, matching and all. Then a guy pulls out the microphone and is like "This is a special Happy Valentine's Greeting from Chase to ANN!" Then after a couple of seconds of silence, the guy is like "Where is Ann? Is Ann here?"

No one raises their hand at all and we are totally silent. Then the guy is like "DAMN IT! She didn't come to class today!" I feel so bad. This dude's plan was totally ruined and I am sure he spent alot for it. I am glad that my plan worked out to perfection.

Submitted by: Usher

Celebrate Valentine's Day

Submitted by: Jimmy

First Date Stupidity

Submitted by: Linda

Funny valentines day gift ideas (valentine special )

1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.

2. Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the label.

3. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone or Jim Carrey.

4. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.

5. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.

6. A gift certificate.

7. Cash.

8. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.

9. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"

Submitted by: Mick

Hermit Crabs

Submitted by: Fred

Funny Valentine's Day (story)

My husband took me to a Valentines resort for the Holliday and after a few more drinks than I had planned to drink I got a little to Drunk for the occasion. Turns out we had a Jacuzzi in our room and My husband claims I asked him to give me a min. to dress into something more comfortable and when I came out I was wearing my Bathing Suite.

He said I dove in the Jacuzzi and wanted to Swim, rather than have an intimate moment with him. It's still the funniest thing I've ever done.

Submitted by: Molly

Knock Knock ( valentine's Joke)

knock knock
who's there?
your who?
your beautiful :-)

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Disguise who?
This guy is your boy friend!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Eyesore who?
Eyesore do like you!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Value who ?
Value be my Valentine?

Who's there?
Ben who?
Ben over and kiss me!!!

Submitted by: Sim

If he loves you then don't waste that, you might never be able to get it back.

Submitted by: Brain

Funny Valentine's Saying ( & quotes)

Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else , coz our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.

I approached a kid and asked "what is love?"
the kid answered, "love us when a puppy licks your face"
I laugh , but then he added "Even after you left him alone all day"

I am not saying I can't live without you , coz i can , i just don't want to.

When you feel that nobody loves you , nobody cares for you ,
everyone is ignoring you,
and people are jealous of you
you should really ask yourself..

Am I too sexy ?

Relationships are like fat people .
Most of them don't work out.

OH why'd you have to be so Cute?
it's Impossible to ignore you.

Recipe for Love
1 cup of romance
1 pinch of humor
2 spoonfuls of joy
1 lb of compatibility
3 tablespoons of trust
1 cup of respect
1/2 lb of sharing
1 zest of tenderness
and 3/4 cup of patience..

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet and so are you...
The Roses are wilting, the violets dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I see your face when I am dreaming...
that is why I wake up screaming.

My feelings for you no words can tell...
except for maybe " go to hell"

I love you smile, your face and you eyes,
damn I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
marrying you really screwed up my life!

What inspired this amorous rhyme?...
two parts vodka, one part lime.

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. and that is you. Be my Valentine!!!!


I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

Happy Valentines to all those who are taken, almost taken, taken for granted, waiting to be taken, assumed to be taken, & those who aren't taken seriously


Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Every time I hear your name,
deep inside I feel a pain.
To myself I put the question,
is it love or indigestion?

You can fall from a bridge, you can fall from above, but the best way of falling, is falling in love!

We cannot be together, But we'll never be apart, For no matter what life brings us, You're always in my heart.


Happy Valentine's Day! I know its a little early but I have alot of sexy people to text so I'm getting the ugly people first!!

Love can be expressed in many ways. One way I know is to send it across the distance to the person who is reading this. Happy Valentine's Day.


When time comes for u to give ur heart to someone, make sure u select someone who will never break your heart, cuz broken hearts don't have spare parts.


Here's some chocolate cause I like um fat.

Roses are red, violets are blue...a face like yours belongs in a zoo...don't be sad i'll be there too...not in a cage but laughing at u!!!

I got my wife pregnant on consecutive valentines days, she hasn't let me touch her on Valentines day since.

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.


Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning


The four most important words in relationship ..."I'll do the dishes."


Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.

True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.



If love is blind, then why do they make lingerie?


Love Cycle

Submitted by: Yok

Funny Valentine's Day (story)

Got lost on the way to my new Girl friends house; met this girl on the bus on my way there. Got her Phone number, turns out it was my new Ex-girlfriends Sister. I was 16.

Submitted by: David

Baby are you jealous?

Submitted by: Brain

Funny Valentine's Day (story)

My husband, a certified public accountant, works 15-hour days for the first few months of the year. In spite of his hectic schedule, he took time out to order me flowers for Valentine's Day. While pondering what sweet endearment to write on the card, he obviously began thinking of the many hours of work still ahead of him. His note read: "Roses are red, violets are blue. If I weren't thinking of you, I'd probably be through."

Submitted by: Cindy Wolf

I wan to say something

Submitted by: Linda

Long term Planning (Joke)

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweler's shop in Hatton Garden, London.

The jeweler inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".'
The jeweler smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'

Submitted by: Jhon

you have bad valentine on valentine's day

you have bad valentine on valentine's day

you're going to lose ALL your friends

you're going to lose ALL your friends

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why are you still single

why are you still single

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It was easier than having to shoot a different man every day

It was easier than having to shoot a different man every day

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